Yesterday my husband was talking about a couple of his friends and had to tell me they are having a boy. Like I really care. I was doing okay and he had to throw that in my face. Thanks a lot. I know he didn't mean to hurt me, but since he told me I can't get past it. I should be happy for them, but I'm not. I don't wish them harm, I just don't want to be part of their lives. He's gotten over the miscarriage already and wants me to be over it too. How can I get over something so devastating so fast? He wants to force me to be friends with his friend Kate. I'm not in a place in my life to be friends with her. A mutual "friend," Krystal had a miscarriage several months back and never told Kate. After Kate became pregnant, she started telling the world 2 seconds after she peed on the stick and was complaining about how krystal wasn't jumping up and down in excitement for her. I know it wasn't my place then to tell her of krystal's miscarriage, but I had been in that situation twice at that time and it was bothering me when she was talking bad about her, so I told her. Initially kate didn't say anything about it, but later on she was making comments about how it was a good thing krystal didn't have a baby and how she would be an awful parent. This bothered me, but I didn't say anything. Since my last miscarriage happened I feel sick to my stomach hearing her pretend to be all nice nice when all she does is talk about how much she hates krystal and how much better she is than everyone else. I can't get it out of my mind how heartless she is and how hurtful those things she said about someone who probably wants nothing more than to have a baby too. I'm sure she thinks that I deserve going through all my miscarriages and she probably thinks she's better than me because her pregnancy is perfect. I don't have room in my life for people who make me feel bad and think life is a competition and insist on having everything better than everyone else. She is not a nice person and my husband wants to force me to be friends when that is the last thing I want to do. Some people have the charmed life where everything works out perfectly and they never actually have to work for what they have. I am not one of those people and I do not have room in my life for someone like that who has a nasty personality. When she was dating her husband she acted nice and was fun to hang around with. I can't think of a time when we saw her and she didn't have only negative things to say about everyone. I'm not sure how I can make my husband back off on trying to make us "friends again." I repeatedly tell him he can hang out with them, but I don't want to, but he doesn't understand and is obsessed with wanting us to hang out with them. I need a strong sedative to stomach being around her and I don't have any, so i guess I get to be the awful wife that hates his friends. Right now I don't really care.
I just need to heal myself and be in a place where I can be okay again with never having the little boy I dreamed of having. This is going to take time, and I wish he understood that. He thinks a little over a month is too long to be grieving. I think he takes it as a personal insult that I'm still having a hard time with this and thinks that the family I have should be enough to make the pain of it go away. I love him and my children more than anything, but I always dreamed of having 3 children and having another baby boy. For a short time I thought that I would have my ideal family and all the pain, hard work, and sacrifices i've made would be rewarded with what I want most in life. Unfortunately that is the dream world. karma doesn't exist and bad things just happen to the same people over and over again no matter how much good they do in the world and how much suffering they try to ease for other people. No one gets rewarded based on good deeds and hard work. Lucky people are lucky and unlucky people are unlucky.
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